There's a rainstorm/windstorm/thunderstorm in the middle of June. It's kind of miserable for us, sitting inside, staring at computers, withstanding the grueling process of editing dissertations. But the trees--the trees' leaves and branches look like they're swinging, headbanging, turning, dancing. Their trunks like the strong, defined arms of a dance partner. The grass shivers, as if its giggling.
How genuinely nice it must be for the rain to feel so appreciated, so needed. What a reward for such a responsibility.

Another Sleepless Night

Last night was another sleepless night. I drank a cup of herbal tea and even forced myself through twenty pages of Mill on the Floss, genuinely one of the slowest paced books I’ve come across. And yet, I still managed to toss and turn for several hours before grabbing my Ipad and searching, for what I’m sure must have been the 50^th time since I’ve arrived at Oxford: How to relieve insomnia. I reviewed the list of 20, 25, 40 “helpful  tips to never have trouble sleeping.” And then flicked on the light to warm a cup of milk, mostly out of curiosity to see if the tip: “A cup of warm milk and Oreos calms the nervous system,” actually had any merit. It didn’t.

As I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, frustrated at how often this process repeats itself, this strange feeling of familiarity swept over me. Not past-few-days familiar, or even past-few-months familiar, but very familiar. I remembered lying awake just like this at the age of six, noticing the ways my toes created two mountain peaks in my turquoise blanket. And then, at the age of ten. And then all throughout the ages of eleven to seventeen. I resolved all my sleepless nights by dragging myself out of bed at 4:30am, making my way to my sister or parents’ rooms, and pushing them over to make room for myself by their side.

In the few weeks before my wedding, my mother said, “I’m glad you’re getting married. You won’t have trouble sleeping anymore.”

“Why?,” I asked. “What does that have anything to do with it?”

“You always sleep better with someone at your side.”

I shrugged it off, and never even noticed a connection.

But last night, I put it all together. I don’t remember a single sleepless night from the past two years of my married life. There was not a single night in the five days that Mehdi visited me last month that I had trouble falling asleep. 

It’s not fear. I used to think it was stress, but I’m relaxed at this point. Considering how draining writing a dissertation is, it’s not an excess of energy.

It’s almost as if part of me has just never gotten over leaving my mother’s womb.  

My Graduate School Companion

an email from my sister, finalizing her decision on our summer travels

Thank you for your application of admission. We, at the University of Indecisive Travels have gone through your application and have made a decision. We apologize that it took some time, quite a bit of time, we had an influx of very high qualified applicants and the decision making was very difficult. To give you an idea of what we took into consideration: grades, GPA, how cute you are in the photo you attached, and how much fun our committee had in trying to decipher your name! Wow! What were your parents thinking?! I would be SO curious to meet them. 

Furthermore, one member of our admissions Committee by the name of Rey Zing, was very very indecisive (more so then the rest) However, after much thinking, crying, banging her head to the wall, and just straight up staring into space she decided that she no longer wants to be a part of the committee and needs to take a break and go to Great Britain instead. This threw us all off, as we were one man (woman!) down! When we asked Rey Zing why she is doing this, she said that she needs to detach from this tough decision making and that she doesn't want peoples futures to be stuck in her hands. She said she is not God...I was surprised. Instead, she said she wanted to go trek through Great Brittain.... on foot... (that crazy b*$#%!) with her sister. We were all wondering who this mysterious sister was that suddenly attracted her to the Googer Booger (as we call Great Britan here in the office) so we asked her about it. She said that she and her sister have never explored a foreign land together, and that it was in her utmost desire and interest to hold a travel book, and explore foreign lands with her, discover, discover, and learn. She had this odd excitement in her, when she said she really wanted to munch on a 'very welsh breakfast' and discover the history of random ruins along the hills and coast, and listen to her sister tell stories of medieval times and things she has learned and discovered throughout her studies. Rey Zing also kept drawing picture of her and her sister sitting on green hills with their feet dangling off a brick ruin wall, singing Irish melodies and nibbling on biscuits...yes nibbling. In these photos, oddly, she had a smile drawn on her face, her sister had a smile drawn on her face too but for some reason she was also holding a vacuum on the hills! Odd! Regardless, Rey Zing was out the door in about 2 minutes after making this decision. Mind you, all this was said by her in a very fake and desperate English Accent. All of us here in the office, felt so BAD for this mysterious sister! We were worried she did not know what she was truly in for.


.......that was until....until....we took a closer look at the drawing she made of her sister, and felt sudden Deja Vu....that sister...was

.....you, Choosefeer....................

Choosefeer, we are at a loss for words, here at the admissions office. Confused. Struck. Confuddled. Regardless we would like to say that you have been admitted to the University of Indecisive Travels. Please be safe and stay alive when Rey Zing visits you (do you even know about this?) We really want you here at our university.



Admissions Head